The Co-Operative's Dark Side

The Co-Operative is being helpful, with its food, banks and travel, but the only bad thing about it is that they do funer*lcare...it's so awful that I can't say it with a straight face, or even type the whole word on the internet.

They've promoted their funer*lcare all across the UK, and this effs me off. If they don't stop this now, I'll beat up the employees so bad they'll have to go to hospital.

Outlets
They have funer*lcare outlets in;
 * Bracknell
 * Chelmsford
 * Dartford
 * Durham (infamous for having a billboard promoting American TV show The Walking Dead on its side, which caused a lot of bad taste)
 * Gillingham
 * Hackney
 * Kilmarnock

God, if they build one more I'll write an an angry letter!

News stories
From April 2011

Renovation contractors Gilby Bros. Ltd. have agreed to turn all of Co-Operative's horrible funer*lcare outlets into wedding parlours following a billboard controversy.

The contractors, led by funer*l-hating Francis Gilby and his brother Richard, signed the deal after one of the parlours in Durham had a billboard promoting American TV series The Walking Dead. The billboard company were accused of bad taste.

Francis said "The deal to turn 'em all into wedding houses is great. With the Royal Wedding coming up, this makes it even better."

Hundreds of parlours across the UK will be renovated, starting from tomorrow. The Durham one will be the first.

From September 2012

A man from Essex has expressed his disgust at the number of Co-operative funer*lcare outlets in the country.

Tom Thompson, from Great Baddow in Chelmsford, was shocked when he went past one of the parlours while walking his dog, Bunchie.

"This is stupid," said Thompson. "They shouldn't be doing this act of crime. They think they're being nice and helping people gain peace of mind. Well, they're wrong! I have no peace of mind at all after what they did!"

Thompson also explained seeing one of their adverts in which a woman in one of the cars spots people enjoying themselves from a railway bridge. He ranted "We don't deserve this unfair treatment! Those b*stards can go and p*ss off!"

From April 2013

Many celebrities across the United Kingdom have begun a protest against the Co-Operative's stupid and unneeded funer*lcare parlours by marching across the streets of Central London, in a procession that could go on for days

The horde includes famous newsreader Trevor McDonald, TV chefs Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver and Anthony Worrall Thompson and famous hosting duo Ant and Dec.

This comes just days after Baroness Margaret Thatcher, the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, was buried at Mortlake in Richmond-upon-Thames after a ceremonial procession watched by thousands.

The celebrities are ranting "DOWN WITH YOU KNOW WHAT CARE! UP WITH CELEBRITIES!". They have left out the seven letter F word for those who hate it. Many thousands of people are watching the march.